Today was the last day of school, and after about five years of being a preschool teacher I closed that chapter.  I was not originally trained as a teacher, I became one when I had children and grew intensely interested in how they learn.  As preschoolers, my boys attended the same school I taught in.  I have so many wonderful memories of our times there, and of the children I met and grew to love along the way.  In 2012, both my boys moved to a public school and I stayed behind for one last school year.

My life was slowly changing, and my passions were slowly shifting.  I somehow became more and more involved in writing, triathlons, fitness and cycling advocacy as TriathlonMami was born and grew.  But this school year was tiring as I have been working two jobs for a very long time.  Add to this IronMan training and I couldn’t keep up.  I decided to leave school before the quality of my teaching and the amount of energy and patience I had to give my preschoolers was depleted.  I wanted to leave before I burned out.

I wondered what today would feel like; I knew there would be relief.  I felt that delightful anticipation of a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders from Monday through Thursday as I packed my classroom, tied loose ends, and went to goodbye parties.  I hugged and cuddled the children but tried not to go “there”, to that melancholic place.

But at the end of every school year, I always shed a couple of tears.  I get attached to my students as we become a clan.  They give me their unconditional love in a way only a young child can, and I give them the best of me in their care and education.  Every last day of school I feel a little loss, and that heavy feeling lasts for a couple of days.  Then, like everything in life, it passes and I focus again on the road ahead.  I am lucky that I both work and live in the same community so I see these kids at the drug store, at the park, and at the soccer field.  For the first couple of years, they still run and hug me, and then as they become engrossed in their present moment, little by little they forget who their teacher was when they were four years old.

It’s a cycle and one that I am both deeply aware of and grateful for. Each ushers in a new wave of experiences and growth.  As of today, a new cycle opens up for me: one where I become focused as a blogger and writer.

Also not being a teacher anymore opens a whole new world of writing for me, a significant part of my life that was “off limits” to my blog.  Nothing that betrays an inextricable bond between a teacher and a very young student, but stories that showed me human nature and the needs we all have.  Like the time one little boy felt embarrassed for pooping in his pants and tried to wash his underwear in the un-flushed toilet.  He made a mess, and it was quite disgusting, but the shame he felt and how he tried to hide it moved me deeply.

So today, Friday, there was less relief and more sadness.  I tried to control my tears but as the children came to give me their final hugs I slowly began to disintegrate.  Parents insisted on taking “one more picture”, making the process long and painful.  When the last child was gone, I was a blubbering mess so I decided the best thing I could do was to leave.  I didn’t say goodbye to most of my coworkers figuring I could come back and see them.  I needed a break from all the emotion.

It began to rain as I left the school and I went to do my swimming workout.  3,600 yards gave me plenty of time to breath, and the rain drops on my back where specially soothing. I know that soon this heaviness I feel right now will lift.  I am grateful I have the opportunity to quit my job and do what I love, but I know I need to respect this process and give it the time it needs to unfold.  So tomorrow I am going for a twelve mile run followed by a one-hour ride. Tomorrow is literally the first day of the rest of my professional life.  I’m ready.

How about you? Are you ushering in any big changes?