There is melancholy when a project is over, and I think that is where I am now. During my week of craziness, where I attended Hispanicize, received the 3M Positive Impact Award and then competed with Kerryon the South Beach Triathlon I was running on adrenaline.
It’s not as if I have lots of experience being on the front page of the Miami Herald, or on the nightly news. But more than the actual appearance in those, what I loved about that week was the intensity. It was one thing after another. Doors opened left and right and Kerry and I went through them all. I loved picking up the phone from an unknown number because it would most likely be a producer from somewhere trying to cover the ThumbsUp story. Kerry and I had worked hard for this to happen … promoting Kerry’s positive attitude was the goal of this whole thing so to see it, feel it, and make it come together was phenomenal.
At Hispanicize, I saw my face on posters all around, met incredible people including the other award winners, and felt like a movie star walking the red carpet of the 3M Positive Impact Award.
And the race? Another incredible experience as you can read here. At the South Beach Triathlon we were stopped several times by people who told us they read about ThumbsUp on the newspaper, or saw us on TV. A woman yelled “TriathlonMami” and gave me a big hug, said she followed my blog, and wished me luck. It’s exciting to think someone actually follows my blog!
And then the end of this project came, successfully. We got covered in the news for completing the race, and a couple of days later crawled back to anonymity.
The tornado had passed.
So now what? I have ideas, and am working on them. I have three races coming up: Swim Miami, a one mile swim I am doing with Kerry this Saturday; a half ironman in May, and Ironman Arizona in November. It’s not like that’s nothing … that is a whole lot of work but I need to find a way to give it meaning. I am not sure, but getting faster doesn’t really get me out of bed at 5:00am in the morning as I did today.
During my week of excitement their conduct cards from school came with lowered letters; their grades suffered, they didnt make it to most of their after school activities and from what I was told … getting them to shower was no easy feat.
When we came home from South Beach last Sunday, and all of the following week my kids were glued to me. Granted, they usually are, but it wasn’t enough for me to be next to them on the couch … I had to be LOOKING at whatever it was they were watching on TV. Being near wasn’t enough, they wanted my attention.
I do know, that two weeks of bad behavior does not outweigh all the positive things my kids have seen and done from the whole ThumbsUp experience. And as a family, we are all proud of finishing the South Beach Triathlon. And as a family we have adopted Kerry as one of us. So all that is good.
Yet I come back to this: I don’t HAVE to race an Ironman which causes me to spend 6 hours training on a Saturday, eat everything in the refrigerator and pass out at 8:30pm. It’s a choice. It’s a grateful choice because Got Chocolate Milk is sponsoring me.
As much as I want to go out there and conquer the world I tell myself I have two young sons that need me. I’ve already done an Ironman so it’s not as if they haven’t seen me train for an impossible goal either.
Perhaps this is just a case of mami guilt for wanting to do something that I enjoy just because I enjoy it. I mean really, how sorry for myself can I feel? Joe, my husband, is 150% supportive and picks up the slack so I can train; and even the boys are excited about going to Tempe. They tell me they like having a Triathlon Mami. So I am well aware the problem centers in my brain. It’s my inability to do something “just because.” But if I can get over it by giving my future races some meaning … well then I guess I can search for one.
Any ideas?
