I’m a facebook junkie.  Though in my defense, I am a blogger and social media community manager so it comes with the territory.  When a “real world” friend unfollows my TriathlonMami facebook page I notice but understand it is a magazine on a narrow subject not everyone relates to.  I don’t take it personally because I write for a larger audience which may or may not include my friends.  But when a close friend dumped me on facebook I felt as if it were a public outcry of what I heard a thousand times over as a preschool teacher: “you are not my friend anymore.”  Am I regressing into preschool or is there something about being unfriended on facebook that stings?

I grew up around the world and facebook has allowed me to re-connect with many people from different countries.  I have learned I have much in common with friends I haven’t heard from in years.  I have also found that others took a completely different path and we are on opposite sides of life’s spectrum. But I don’t unfriend them.  If someone’s posts “annoy me”  I change my settings and hide them.  Here’s a great article that shows you how to do exactly that.  The only way I would see them is if I proactively look for them.

I am well aware that just as there are people on facebook that annoy me, I annoy many others.  It doesn’t hurt my feelings when I don’t jibe with someone, but again I refrain from unfriending them.

Not because I am wimp (though I am one), but because I don’t want to unnecessarily burn a bridge that later might take me somewhere beautiful.  Life has a funny way of bringing you back to those from whom you still need to learn.

I also don’t unfriend people because it seems so severe and final.  I am not saying there aren’t good reasons to sever relationships such as with stalkers or those who seem to have a loose screw.  But when it’s someone I share part of my real world with, with whom I identify and share interests, things are different.   And the message being sent by the unfriend is: “I changed my mind on how I feel about you, I no longer want you as part of my life.” Ouch.

In truth this friend, well ex-friend I guess, was not bringing out the best in me. Quite the contrary; our friendship had become toxic giving enough reason to create distance between us.  Yet not enough rationale for the guillotine of the facebook unfriend from which a comeback is highly improbable.

As I lean towards the dramatic I went to the internet to find out if others felt as slighted as I did to be unfriended, or if I was indeed as immature as I feared.  I found a quote on the comment section of this article which says it all:

If the newsfeed hide is when you pretend you don’t see someone at a party, the unfriend is when you throw your drink in their face and cause a scene.

I am dripping wet here.

There are even articles helping people overcome the rejection of being unfriended such as this one from Psychology Today.

Unfriending is the death of a relationship.  Even if I wanted to approach my friend and talk about what we were going through … the unfriending burned the bridge to get there.  If I were to approach this person, I would feel like a beaten puppy going back to his owner hoping to be loved again.  Call me what you will, but I won’t be going back for another beating.

So next time you are thinking of unfriending someone, think about its implications in the long term.  If you still feel the urge to purge someone from your life read this first:

How To Unfriend Someone On Facebook With Minimal Drama

I’m glad to learn that I’m not the only one who feels a sting when dumped by a friend on facebook.  A public rejection from someone “close” is hard to swallow. However, the difference between the preschooler and the adult is what do we do with that sting.  The preschooler cries, throws a tantrum and launches a block onto the classmate’s head.   The grown up realizes after the initial sting that there are  many more important things in life, and doesn’t give it much more thought.

If I look at my “friend list” on facebook I see hundreds of other people.  Some may be hiding my posts, others may stalk me, but that is enough to keep my facebook experience full, rich and entertaining feeding this junkie just enough to stay hooked.