I  don’t believe in reward charts for children, but how about a chart for mami’s behavior?

Okay, some background: I think children should behave a certain way because that is just the way they should behave not because they are getting something out of it.  However, and as I discuss in this Huff Post Live segment, I am not immune to bribing.  The one time I used a reward/behavior chart it lasted forty five nights.  Every time my boys would fall asleep and stay asleep on their beds they would get to draw something inside one of the forty five boxes and at the end we would get a cat.  It took a while but it worked.  And guess what? We adopted Penelope and the boys sleep in their bed.  A totally fair deal.

But how about for mami?  I’ve been having an existential crisis lately.  Well, not really existential just a crisis where my ego has taken a beating as I realize I am not superwoman.  So this week has been a transition week, one where I try to figure out what to do now that I gave up that cape.  I realize there are four areas of my life that are important to me: family, work, training and TriathlonMami.  They may not be all of equal importance but combined they reflect who I am and what my interests are  at this point in my life.

The problem is that at times I find it difficult to be in the moment.  Could I enjoy a bike ride on a perfect Miami day knowing my boys were at home watching TV? Could I feel okay about writing for TriathlonMami as my lesson plan was still not finalized?

I hear voices in my head: not everything has the same priority, you cause much of the stress in your life, the time will come when your children won’t want to be with you, etc.  All true, but none helpful. So here is a little something I came up with that I don’t know if will work but I can certainly try. My very own Mami reward chart!

It has four indicators and it measures how I did during a whole week.  My day is a compilation of back to back commitments from early morning training, to preparing lunch boxes, to teaching, to afterschool activities with my kids, to dinner/bed/bath to computer time. I chose a week because there is rarely a day where I act in every single indicator.  But during a whole week, I should have paid attention to all of them.  And there is no real reward.  The only reward is looking at this and realizing “hey! I am okay after all.”

The Indicators Indicator 1: Family

My family will always, always come first.  I love my kids and my husband (and you too mom and dad) more than anything in this world.  I want to be with them, and play and help when necessary but there are other things in my life that also need my attention.  I won’t forsake a birthday party for training but I might forsake a soccer practice.  As much as I love them, I need my own space and so do they.  I don’t have to be with them all of my free time in order to love them and fortunately I have a husband that totally understands this.  In fact, he is the one who encourages me to tend to the other things that make me whole.  He is my number one cheerleader who says: “You can do it.  Your family wants you to do it.” And thank goodness, because once IronMan training ramps up later this year, I will certainly need him to both take charge at home and encourage me to go out there.

Indicator 2: Work

I am a preschool teacher and those children need a compassionate, caring person to guide them. They are also at an age where their curiosity is unlimited and to foster it will create an adult who can think outside the box.  I want this for them as individual children, but also for all of us as a society.  But no one is perfect and some days are better than others.

Indicator 3: Training

Training has become a huge part of my life.  I totally understand that this is 100% self imposed.  No one forced me to push myself beyond what I thought were my limits.  However, I have gained so much from my fitness lifestyle: I’ve lost some weight, I’ve become healthier, I’ve changed my diet, and made new friends. Sure, there is a difference between being active and being obsessed about being active but I don’t think I am crazy and if I am, it’s a little to late; I’ve already committed to being crazy for 2013.  I applied and got into the GEICO Road Safety Bike Tour, and I already spent a good amount of money on IronMan Florida.  I just signed up for a half ironman in Portugal but its because I will already be there and its good training for the IronMan.  And the nail on the coffin is that my kids keep count with me.  They know, understand, and see me train hard.  What do I teach them if I give up on something that we played up as being so special to me?

Indicator 4: TriathlonMami

There is so much I want to do, and so much I want to say that it’s hard to do it all.  I feel like I am on the cusp of something but I can’t find the committed time to keep it up.  I have a great new site that is almost ready to launch, I’ll be speaking at Hispanicize 2013, I have great sponsors, and I am writing for third parties.  Things are moving along well but sometimes a week will go by and I am not able to work on it.  TriathlonMami is yet another self imposed stresser but it does have a purpose though I am not at liberty to share it just right now.

This is how it works.  If I can feel good about at least two of the four indicators then that was a good week.  And there is no guilt, no stress and no negative thoughts allowed.  I am no longer shooting for excellence in everything, I am shooting for living a happy and fulfilled life where I am of service to mankind.  Excellence will better be served by someone else right now.

So TriathlonMami’s weekly indicator would go something like this for the week of February 25, 2013

Family: A! We went camping, spent lots of quality time, I didn’t really lose my patience and feel like a good mom. I was generally available to my friends.
School: A! We had a great topic and the children learned a lot. On Friday was a special day with Dr. Seuss’ birthday and I did my part to make the day special.
Training: C! Not great.  I went out each morning but my energy level was low.  On the weekend Joe and I decided it would be family time only so I’ve had three rest days but given how tired I am from camping my body doesn’t really know it rested. I definitely did not improve in anything but maintained my fitness.
TriathlonMami: D! It’s my first post for the week but I have tried to be more active on Twitter and Instagram.

I could feel bad about my blogging and training but if I expand my point of view, I realize all the other positive things I did do and then things don’t look so bad.  So my blog and training lacked the enthusiasm that I would’ve liked but I made up for it in other areas of my life.  Unless the universe is perfectly aligned to help me out, chances are there will always be one area that falls through the cracks.  And I vow today to forgive myself for tomorrow’s inescapable failures.

So I guess my existential crisis led to something good.  I’ve let go of illusions of superpower and control where I could be an A! simultaneously in all areas of my life.  I’ve found this little system just like a kid’s reward chart to help me put life in perspective.  My good behavior will not lead to another cat, but recognizing it will go a long way to maintain my sanity.