I know you and you don’t fool me. I have lived with you my whole life, and it was only as an adult that I chose to ignore you. You resent me for that. You are angry that I have moved on and left you behind, that I chose courage over you, that you no longer control me.
Yet all this time when I thought you were gone, you weren’t. You were sitting there, doing pushups, getting stronger, waiting for the right time to come out and show your muscles so you could once again intimidate me.
Yes I am talking to you: Self-Doubt. I saw you were in the neighborhood this week. If I give you space you will consume me. It’s an all or nothing game with you. And guess what you will be?
That’s right … you get to be nothing.
My happiness grows on the path I take, not at the destination. My sense of fulfillment is not based on results, but rather on how I got them.
Sure, I would like to be faster, stronger, smarter, kinder. Sure, I would love to be more patient and receive outside approval for every decision I make. My pride can be fickle. But when I realize that behind any insecurity is just my fear, you lose.
And you just lost.
Even if I have to recommit in five minutes to keep you quiet, I will.
I didn’t excel at anything this week. There is nothing that I can mark down as an accomplishment; but even so you are not invited. Self doubt, you have your time and place. But suck it up buttercup, it’s not today.
This week’s training:
Monday: SWIM. Choppy choppy 3 mile open water swim.
Tuesday: RUN. 5k test … lackluster results.
Wednesday: SWIM. Easy, quick just to do something.
Thursday: BIKE. 1 hour at the Ultrabikex Computrainer Studio. I tried to keep up with my friend Amy and blew up half way.
Friday: REST. And it actually said REST on my schedule.
Saturday: BRICK. 60 mile bike, 6 mile run. Hot.
Sunday: SWIM Thumbs Up Team Practice but cannot count it as a real swim.
Have you had moments were you doubted yourself? What did you to overcome it?